hey everyone..another post for another day..i was pretty down yesterday but it was the day before my shot..emotions and stuff tend to go up and down..i had my shot today..i'm gonna guess it was around my 26 or 27th shot..i just wanted to talk about my physical changes a little bit..the hair on my toes have come in really thick and dark on all 5 :)...my feet are thicker my watersocks from last summer dont fit anymore..my legs including my thighs have just been growing hair like a cornfield..everywhere..pretty dark too..my calves have gotten more muscle tone but the shape of my legs have changed alot too..more masculine not so big persay..my thighs are hard as rocks and as thick as horses..my hips have disappeared alot but theres still some fat there that'll redistribute...down south my stuff is getting much bigger..it keeps growing..it gets hard too..and then flacid..my libido is incredibly high..they say it levels out..i wonder when? my belly has gotten rounder and the hair is everywhere and dark its really starting to come in on my chest...the hair on my chest is a bit blondish yet..and my pecs amaze me...they are so very masculine..and in the last two weeks i've noticed my shoulders have really shaped up and broadned..i've been lifting alot too though..my arms are hairy too..kinda blondish but i think thats more from the sun than anything..its all over my hands and knuckles very noticable..my hands and fingers are very much thicker too..my shoulders and back are all growing hair rapidly..my face has thinned way out..no more chubby cheeks :)...my sideburns have gotten thicker..but nto longer yet :(...my hair line is receding..badly..and i had such thick hair and its really thinned out alot too..my ears have more hair on them and an adams apple is forming..the hair on my face is in pretty good..i've shaved it a few times but its hard for me to cuz i like seeing it..its noticable as well..my skin is much more oily..and acne everywhere on my face..thats kinda sucky...i've lost a total of 73 pounds..none of my clothes fit me anymore..and my jeans totally sit on me differently..all in all my changes are really noticalbe..i pass 100% of the time..last time i was called ma'am was before chest surgery..but here in the last month i've noticed alot of changes physically so i wanted to share them with you and for my journey documentation..well post soon..until then..later...

hey everyone..another post for another day..its really funny how so many feelings and emotions can occur during my transition..its like an up and down rollercoaster ride and i'm trying to fit it all together..theres so many days where i feel like the man i'm becoming and feeling comfortable..and i do..but then theres days where my lower genitailia brings me dysphoria (unhappiness)...i always say i can handle my genitailia because i was born with it and have had it my entire life where as my chest came later on so it was foreign to me..but there are times when i dont feel that way at all..when i see myself i dont see what i have and things like using the restroom..an dhaving to use a stp device (stand to pee) that i bought online can really suck..so badly do i just want to be able to whip it out like every other man..but i cant'..instead i have to wear a harness with my packy just to feel comfortable..when i'm in the bedroom and i have to stop mid action to strap it on sucks...i joke with people all the time about how i'm lucky because i get to pick my size..but really inside i'm hating myself for it..however..i love being touched now and thats something that has changed..i never let anyone touch me i cringed at every touch..no kisses..no hugs nothing..i hid away from others affectionatley..but now i love being touched it feels soo good..i still despise the lower part of my body..nobody knows whats really in your pants...they just assume with your outward appearance which is fine everyone will assume i do have a penis..but i know that i dont..and it can be sucky...and really bring me down..i feel like the boy with a vagina..and as ridicilous that sounds..is how ridicilous it feels..all i can do is accept it..i will never have the lower surgery..way too painful..expensive..and you loose all sensation..i now like being touched so why get rid of it ya know...who knows where i lay on the spectrum of transgenders but i feel isolated sometimes because i'v enever met another transguy..but theres a good chance i can move to omaha nebraska in a month or so it'd be before my name and gender change but close enough to where i could go to my court dates..but the going up there and having to give all that information to a place of employment or housing development..makes me want to change my mind..because after i got my name changed i'd have to let them know..and out would come me and that doesn't help me being stealth..but i was also thinking since theres nearly half a million people id be okay...theres choices here in my near future that i'm having to make..and they're complicated but i'm getting there..one day i'll be exactly where i need to be..and i will work hard towards that goal..post soon..until then..later....

ps new pic in gallery

Hey everyone...another post..sorry its been so long..i've been working alot to catch up finacially from sugery..i've just been thinking alot lately..and i've noticed that my soul and who i am has carried over with me in my transition..but so many things about me have changed too...i'm a different person..im a man now..and the world views men differently...to go from being a white female to a white privileged male in our society is a huge change..from the way im tlaked to treated the way women look at me...women are very flirtatious and they wonder why we're horny all the time..lol..they give you looks out of the corner of thier eyes that say things that wont ever happen lol..my body matches my identity now..i'm accepting the life i lived for so many years..but its hard sometimes because i wish i could have lived my childhood in my gender..i took a friends daughter to the dentist and another little boy walked in and the dental asst said right this way mister..and it made me smile but at the same time frown because i missed out on all those little things that make you who you are..i'm a new male..i didn't grow up being male so i'm still learning how to fit in the world as male..my transition exists every day..yes i'll have the next 60 years as male but the first 24 years of my life i will miss every day of my life...i've been reborn into who i am..and now i begin my journey down a mended path..my body is no longer my enemy..i have forgiven it..i look in the mirror and i dont see the girl i was..i see the man i am now....its a feeling in its own..post soon..until then..later...

hey everyone..another day for another post..i was driving home last night from manhattan which is round 45 minutes away..and i started thinking about different aspects of my transition..i went to the country stampede which is a 4 day event of different country performers..not my first choice of music but there were a few i wanted to see and we got free tickets so why not..anyways..im starting to not think about my transition as often as i use to..it use to totally consume my thoughts and now i'm just starting to fall into my new life..but things take me off guard still..sometimes when i start to talk my deep voice throws me off..inside my head when i think to myself..my voice is pre t...but then i talk and its so very deep and people tell me all the time how deep it is and that they dont reconize my voice...its a great feeling but its funny to see my own reaction with myself..i get called sir all the time..there isn't any moment i dont pass anymore..not one..its perfect..but at the same time its all so new still..when people automatically check male on paperwork..or in conversation i'm he..but it can still throw me off guard..sometimes it makes me smile really big..other times its just natural..and then theres the moments when it throws me off guard..i rarely slip with myself anymore..i never call myself a she even if i'm telling stories from when i was a she..but yet i'm still finding myself adjusting to everything..just falling into the steps of a man is adjustment..the difference between genders are huge..and everything about both genders are very defined..example..at the stampede yesterday people were walking around giving 8 minute surverys..so i was stopped..it was a survery about toyota trucks..ok perfect..there was a section with several different words that defined the toyota tundra to you as a person..there were words like..strength..durable..stylish..personable..tough..ruggid..small..long lasting..colorful..well i automatically picked out the words like sternght..durable..tough..ruggied..and long lasting..i didn't even think about it..i just picked them..they stood out when it came to the definition of a truck..the gal surveying me said "those are manly words"..and it took me off guard..they were..and i picked them..because i'm a manly man..lol..because everything is adjusting in my brain...my brain has always been the same but it makes a huge difference when you're body matches what your brain is thinking..my thoughts seem to flow more easily as does my body actions..im getting there..it just takes time..just a curious thought i wanted to share with y'all..i'm gonna post another pic i'll be on t for 10 months july 6th..but i'm posting it today..post soon..until then..later...

hey everyone..another post for another day...monday will be 8 weeks..everything is fine except a stitch was popping through on my left side and me working it made the incision tear open so my friend pulled it back together and steri stripped it...blah..you know me i'm the worry wart so i though ti was dying..lol..but everything is going swell..this will be a short one because i have been super busy with work and stuff..trying to bounce back financially from surgery..phew who would have thought i'd be so broke! lol well new pic in the gallery...post soon..until then..later..