hey everyone...i left work today an hour early..my head is killing me feels like a migraine...it has given me extreme nausea...i know i got plenty of sleep last night so thats not it..it could be a number of things...the fact that i'm changing the entire chemistry of my body with the testosterone..or maybe i was wearing my binder too tight..or it could be that fact that i'm hungrier and require more food than usual and i only took a little bit to work with me today...i dont know what it is..all i know i took 4 ibprofuens at 1 pm and its now 3 pm and i can barely open my eyes..what a fucking bummer...i hate headaches...they get on my nerves because they interfere..well i'm gonna go eat some noodles and then lay down in the dark hoping that my head heals..well talk soon...until then later.......

hey everyone..just thought i'd drop off a line or three..the baseball game yesterday was fun..the royals lost surprise..but i was disappointed that derek jeter for the yankees didn't get to play..the entire reason i wanted to watch the game..oh well..like i said i was waiting for my libido to rise!!!! well its here! i dont think i have ever had the sensation for an orgasm so strong before...sex last night with lucy was INTENSE!! i came three times one after another..very unusual for me since it always seemed to take forever just to cum once..that was late last night..i woke up today and needed to JO..and that came quick too..wow..i can tell that my bits and pieces down there are swollen today..big notice..and very sensitive..i walk and get a feeling shooting through my body a need for sex..my face was extremely oily today..and lucy says my pores are huge..just means i need to focus washing my face so i dont get acne really bad because i know thats coming too...well anyways..i'll write more later until then....later

hey everyone...i told myself i'd post every week when i started this and i think so far its been everyday..well anyways..last night was the first time i've been to the local transgender support group.. about 8 people showed up..there was a transvestite and a crossdresser but the rest of them were MTF (male to female) which is fine but i've never met another FTM (female to male) like myself..they say that every time a FTM joins they get tired of being the only one and disappear before another one comes along..but its okay to be the only one it was just nice to be in a room full of people and not be stared at or feel akward..it just felt right...lucy said she felt like everyone was staring at her..i think she was just nervous..they focused most of the discussion on FTM's so basically me and i thought that was very nice of them..they gave me tips on how to go about getting my gender changed on my license and ss card so forth..they have two meetings a month and i think i'm gonna make myself visible thier..maybe when the other FTM's find out i'm there through communication of everyone they'll come out and play..i sure hope so! well i need to get ready for the baseball game! talk to you soon..until then...later

hey everyone...just finished lifting weights and thought i'd cool off a bit before i hopped in the shower..i'm going on three days with the testosterone...so far i haven't noticed any other changes..but i know they're gonna come slowly...i'm just impatient..i thought i'd give shaving my face a try..i know there is'nt any hair there yet but why not try..lucy thinks it'll help stimulate hair growth..we'll see..i emailed my grandparents in arizona about my changes i've noticed so far..they emailed me back.. they say they can't wait to see thier handsome grandson..when i see things like that it just feels right..and it thrills me to have such great support..tomorrow we're going to the baseball game and then out to supper on the plaza..i'm looking forward to it..easier to pass in a place we dont live..its an hour away..today we went grocery shopping and i was called sir by the cashier..lucy says she loves it when i pass because people are always so skeptical of us or threatend..people always seem taken aback...so when i pass life is easier..well i better go shower now..i'll post soon..until then...later

hey everyone...i could barely sleep last night...i laid awake trying to fall asleep but couldn't because i was so excited to get up the next morning...the huge thunderstorm last night didn't help..tornado sirens went off and we were out of power from 1 am to about 330 am...i love thunderstorms...but i finally was able to fall asleep around 4 am but was up at 630 to get ready for work..i noticed instantly when i went to the bathroom today that my urine had a very strong potent smell..must be the hormones..and today at work i was extremley hot..oh my stars..i was sweating like crazy and constantly overheated just sitting there even!!! they say your libido will increase over the first week..so i'm waiting to expierence that...although these changes happen so slowly and over time its still exciting waking up just to see if anything is new about my body..its going to be intresting to see how well i can perform in an adult world going through puberty...lol..i've got great support from a few of my peers at work..but theres a few that are just so hateful..it hurts my heart to know theres that much hate in the world..everyone says its the fact that they dont understand..but one of my coworkers use to call me her BFF and now she ignores me..everyone knows i have an open door policy so i think thats an excuse for the ignornant...its okay though i knew going into this it wasn't going ot be easy! i'll survive...i've survived just existing and now i get to live..thats what matters..well better run..talk to you soon..until then....later