hey everyone..thought i'd post another! i have noticed something lately that i'd like to share..i've started to realize that people confuse gender identity with sexual oreintation..i dont think they understand the two are completley different...my sexual orientation has nothing to do with my gender identity..i have had so many people ask me "why wont you just try sleeping with a man before you get any further in your transition" why would i? i'm not a gay man..i'm heterosexual..so sleeping with another man isn't exactly on my list of things to do..i've also had this question asked more than anything.."how can lucy stay with you if she is a lesbian" okay let me explain that one..obviously she may have her own identity issues now..BUT..lesbian gay bisexual are all labels..and society puts those labels on people based on who they are attracted to..which in turn would make lucy be labeled a "lesbian" because she is with a female bodied person..so now that i'm transitioning into a male society will label her "heterosexual" which is fine..but one of the things that first attracted me to lucy was a statement she made the first night we met..a friend of mine asked her if she was bi..she said "whats between the legs doesn't matter to me..its the person i fall in love with" i instantly knew that i wanted to be with her and with her forever..she doesnt' label herself and neither do i but people can't look past the fact that labels are just something to help people divide everyone..united we stand..divded we fall..i just find that question so intresting because like i said sexual orientation has nothing to do with gender identity! okay so now that i've cleared that up excellent! remember i have an open door policy so if anyone has any questions personal or not so personal i am more than happy to anwser them! a shout out to Janet Lynn for seeing me as who i am before she knew i was trans and after she found out! kudos to you lady!! post soon..until then..later...

hey everyone..thought i'd post before my face is full of novacaine..anyways i get a root canal here in about 15 minutes..agh..i'm nervous..its not my first so shouldn't be such a big deal..on my chin and upper lip the skin has become awfully tough its rough and theres white specs everywhere and i'm pretty sure that those white specs are pieces of hair getting ready to break the skin...oh i sure hope so! i can't wait until i have facial hair..still wanting my voice to crack..i have to be patient i keep telling myself that..so be paitent!! anyways other than that not any other changes than what have already been..i better get to my appt to get my face beat in (at least thats how it feels) post soon..until then..later..

hey everyone..phew what a day..went by quick though..i just got home from getting my 3rd shot..i noticed i hardly feel it on my right hip but my left hip hurts like a sob..anyways..i'm hoping more changes are to come in the next few weeks! before you can start hormones like i've previously mentioned you have to see a therapist..well..i had been seeing one online..and it got me my letter to start hormones but it sucks..it doesn't help me emotionally and also the fact that he can go on and on about nothing...so i've cut him loose..i went to him because i was having a hard time finding one in town...but thanks to resources i discovered a lady here in town thats five blocks from me that is not only a gender therapist but is in my network for my health insurance..so it'll only be 20 bucks a visit..i'm so excited to have a therapist and someone to talk to about things i can't neccassarily go to lucy about..and she asked me if i was mtf when i told her i was an ftm she got super excited and said that ftms were rare not that she hasn't seen any before they're just rare..so it made me feel better that she was excited to see me because all the mtf's said they didn't like her..which i can understand it might be threating to them to have a female therapist just like that male therapist said he didn't like dealing with ftm's whatever..i'm excited..anyways..just put up a new pic and a new video on youtube..so better run..post soon..until then..later...

hey everyone..just thought i'd drop a line or four..the support i go to here is okay..although i'm the only ftm its okay..there was a gender therapist last week that came and spoke..he was alright but he said he didn't like handling ftm cases because they always seem to compete with him..when he said that it made me think he was insecure about his own masculinity and maybe he is threatend by ftm's but anyways..i decided at that moment i wanted to go to an actual FTM support group..i probably mentioned in previous posts about a group i discovered in lincoln nebraska..its four hours away but thats fine..so i emailed the leader of the group and he said i was more than welcome but its ftm's only so that means lucy can't go with me..which is fine..but on the same hand shes my biggest supporter and i really want her there with me..but obviously thats not going to happen..so..i think the next meeting is on the 13th of this month..so we're planning on getting a hotel and lucy can go shop or do what women do and i'll go to the group and we can meet back up at the hotel..it sounds good to me..i haven't discussed it with lucy yet..she's still at clinicals and i just found out all this today..but i'm super stoked to actually meet and talk with another ftm in person..now dont get me wrong i've enjoyed the online conversations and am very appreciated i have that much..but still..anyways..i better run..she'll be home in about 20 mins..post after my next shot! until then...later

hey everyone..i can't believe its already october..lucy's birthday is in 9 days and my little bro is gonna be 18..what a big month to be here so quick! this year has gone by so fast..the weather is finally starting to cool off which i'm enjoying and winter is right around the corner...i love fall..its my favorite season..i love wearing hoodies..so i call it "perfect hoodie weather" anyways..i get my 3rd shot this wednesday..i was suppose to get my t levels checked today..but somehow i misplaced the paper i need to take to the lab..so i talked to my doc today and she says that she'll write me up another one wednesday when i go in for my shot..and she'll call me if i need to get my 4th one any sooner..i hope it becomes every ten days..that doesn't feel as long as 2 weeks..if not i'm satisfied with what i have now..i'm just so greatful to finally be transitioning..i remember when i use to wonder if i'd ever be able to start hormone therapy..and for some while i didn't think it was in my close future..but now i'm here and its been several weeks..i'm so stoked and dont think i have ever felt so invincible in my life..i love it and i know the journey ahead of me isn't going to be easy..because it hasn't been so far..but..i look forward to it..anyways post soon..until then..later..