hey everyone..good news! my voice has dropped again! i'm so excited..i love the beginning of the week because that always seems when my voice drops..it always tickles the back of my throat when the vocal chords vibrate..haha..this morning at work..me and two other co workers..plus the receptionist were standing waiting to clock in..( i always get there early) and i said good morning wanda and she said are you okay? i looked at kelli and then rosemary and said yea why? she said well your voice is awfully deep..kelli and rosemary both started smirking..wanda then said..maybe its just me.. apparently she didn't know i was transitioning..which cracks me up because everyone knows at this point..i informed her later in the day of my transition..she said oh okay you know i dont listen to whats said around here..maybe not but it still made me laugh..my mom says that i'm gonna sound like my dad because she hears it already.. i sure hope so..i like my dad..lol..other than that everything in my world is okay..i'll post soon..until then..later...

hey everyone..another post for another day..nothing has really been happening..i got my shot on sunday..this is my first cycle of having it done every 10 days..i hope it keeps me from the emotional rollercoaster ride because i hate that..i was gonna give myself the shot but pussy boy go splat..i couldn't do it...living with my parents isn't the best thing ever but its working..the last few days i have pretty much just laid on my bed listening to music and getting high...thinking..it has been at least 9 years since i've just thought and gotten lost in my mind..it was soo different to just be alone and able to do that and actually focus...i love music so much..it keeps me sain..listening to lyrics knowing that i'm not the only one out there all fucked up right now..anyways..i'm changing as a person and i didn't think that'd ever happen but i feel so go about myself..that im literally letting go of everything comfortable in my life for me..it seems so selfish in writing but feels so right in reality..its crazy..i'm going through my own things..i never thought this transition would be so complex but it is and i'm enjoying all the changes and am super stoked to see the future ones..i still haven't had my menses this month yet and we're nearing the middle of it..so fingers crossed thats all over..it'll feel so right not to have to deal with that anymore....its all in a days work...post soon..until then..later...

hey everyone..another post..for another day..i've been on a huge rollercoaster ride and its taking a toll on me..me and lucy are breaking up..my rock..my security blanket..is disappearing..because of my choice..it so weird to hear myself say that but want it so much..we've been through alot..but i need to love myself before i can love her and if that means in a year when i know i truly love and know myself..i can truly know and love her too..she doesn't understand it..she thinks i'm being terrible..and wanting a new life that doesn't have part of my past life..which is true but isn't at the same time..lucy can be in my new life..i want her to be..but i need to disappear for awhile and learn to live so that i can live for her..and if we dont ever get back together then she wasn't ever my soulmate..its extremely hard for me..but i'm getting through it the best way i know how..i'm moving out this weekend..and gonna move back in my parents house..i know its blah..but if i do that i can get my top surgery in april or may as a bday present to myself perhaps..after that my friend has a place she's looking to rent out next summer so there i go..my family is being super supportive of me and just want me to be happy..my mom is recovering from an alcohol addiction so not only am i'm going through a transition but so is she and we are supporting each other very much..all in the process of getting to know one another..my entire life is changing its taking a 360 and its hard to deal with sometimes but i'm a very strong person and only the strong survive..so i'll take life as it comes..post soon..until then..later...

hey everyone..had a few things i was thinking about and wanted to share..for as far back as i can remember i've wanted to be accepted as a man by men more than anything..just wanting to fit in..i knew i never did because things that men talk about when its just men is unknown...if there's a woman around they tend to tone down conversation..and it always seemed that way with me..i never felt like they talked like men when i was there..until today..i am now a member of the "secret men's club" thats what i like to call it..i had the day off from work..and a friend asked if i wanted to take a roadtrip with her to this small town leavenworth to visit some of her friends..why not..had the day off..tired of tv..lets go..so 2 hours later we arrive and she has informed me already that this is her family away from family..i meet melissa and her husband joe..it was thier house we were at..and instantly passed..i was soo fucking ecstatic..after a few hours of no slipping of the pronouns and having my penis referred to as a "kickstand"..accused of male bonding..and when the men were sent to the back room..i had to go..i really felt like me..it was an amazing feeling..a bit later after we ate chili the guys went outside to dig a hole and install a mailbox..so i went..there i was standing with 4 men as a man for the first time in my life..one of the guys asked me what kind of engine was in the truck i drove..i anwsered happily.."a 318" and we talked about good fishing spots..checked out a few women that drove by..and what would be the easiest way to put in a sidewalk..after that the guys including me went to the liquor store..showed me the prison and talked about storm chasing..i was there for about 9 hours but it seemed like a half hour..i didn't want it to end..i am in all my glory right now..i'm just gonna pass more and more..but for now i'm a member of the "secret mens club" and i couldn't feel any happier..my life is finally falling into place..kudos to that! post soon..until then..later...

hey everyone..today is nine weeks on t..yay to me! i was looking at my stomach earlier today and holy shit..i'm getting a happy trail and the hair is dark too! its creeping all the way up to my chest.. finally..everything is coming together..i've really been able to start loving myself and its the best feeling in the world..but anyways..i'm getting my lip pierced tonight so i better run! talk soon..until then..later..

ps..i've posted my nine week pic