hey everyone..another day another post...today is 17 weeks on T...wow..so many things have changed..in such a short amount of time..im starting to get acne...blah..kinda sucky..i look at my gallery pics and i see week 3 where i looked so different..my face was chubbier..my cheeks really..my chin was chubby..my nose eyes and eyebrows all look so different when i look at week 17 pic..really amazing..goes to show how very powerful hormones really are..and how the endocrine system in your body makes up of most of your gender.. i'm getting my gender from a bottle..wow..i sound way different too..all i have is one word... AMAZING ...i've accepted me in a whole new way..i want to go stealth and i know that but i accept the fact that i'm trans..if i had to go back and choose wether i would have been a normal female or male at birth or trans..i'd totally pick trans..its an entire new world..i'm starting to care about myself..and its different..my whole life i'd steal..cheat..say whatever i wanted do whatever i wanted..even if it was against the law..i didn't care..because i truly didnt' care about myself.. so i didn't care what i was doing to everyone around me even strangers..and i'm starting to care about myself..i can tell.. i care about others around me and i've never felt that way before...im moving in with bevan tomorrow and i'm excited..to take a step into that strict binary system..i'm going to have to adapt and really learn who i am and what i do to be a man..its trivial..complicated in its own sense and nobody gets that..but i do..and 2007 has been the best year of my life so far..i finally got to take a step in the shoes of the real me..and i like the real me...and its a never before..post soon..until then..later..

hey everyone..another day...another year...another post..happy new year..hope everyone had a great holiday! Mine was fantastic..went over to a buddy of mine house and drank the night away playing guitar hero..and got a mohawk...i gave myself another injection by myself today..but i always get so fucking nervous..i shake and my heart beats out of my chest..i dont know why..well when i went to take the cap off the needle i sliced my fucking finger..grrrrr..its okay i'll survive...my mom doesnt want me to move out until after my chest surgery...shes worried i'm going to be a victim of a hate crime..which i understand..but on the contrary..its something i need to do..i think it will be perfect to be able to observe another guy so closely..besides he knows im trans..new me before i started my transition..so its nothing new to him..and if i worry about hate crimes my whole life and never take any risks..i;ll be a fucking hermit..and im totally a risk taker..besides if it doesnt work out i know i can always move back in with my parents..my mom says i look more and more like my dad every day..which is kinda cool..hes a good looking chap..haha..its a new year..my resolution is what it has been every year...and thats to survive..but this time it means somethign different because i'm different..im looking forward to this year..for teh first time in my life...im actually excited for another year..woohoo..lol..well im exhausted..so im gonna nap for a bit..post soon...until then..later.....

hey everyone..another post another day...i cant wait to move..i have to get out of my mothers..its driving me crazy..shes always on a rampant about my step dad..and wants to talk to me about it..but when i give my opinon she doesn't want to hear it..tells me to be quiet i dont know what i'm talking about..blah fucking blah..but anyways..the reason i wanted to post today is because of something that amuses me...i'm really getting to see the world from both views..male and female..i never realized it obviously i've never been so male in my life..but the way people...ecspecially women..react and respond to males vs females...whenever i say something reactions towards me are different..its kind of hard to explain but people approach me like they would approach a male..i never realized there was a difference...but i think its a natural habit that are embedded into people as they grow..even the way women look at me when they walk by me or pass by me..its a riot.. i never realized that women are true men bashers..haha..i constantly get reprimanded for being a man..but i love it..its a big part of being a man..you know being stupid..never doing anything right..i've always wanted to be viewed as a male..and now i am..so all those things that irritate the average man..intrigues me....i know that the more and more i change..the more and more everything around me is going to change..because right now i feel like so much has already changed..not only with me physically and mentally but with my surroundings..with other people..i dont get stared at nearly as often as i use to..so i dont feel like such a zoo animal..i rarely hear that is that a boy or a girl anymore and thats one of the best feelings ever..to finally although i'm still in between be recognized as who i am...incredible i say..chest surgery will help alot..it wont look like i have a continuous stomach..lol..but gotta get ready for work..post soon..until then...later.....

hey everyone..another day in paradise..state walked into work today..so you know what kind of day i had..it felt like it was never going to end..but on the contrary..several people kept asking if i got a hair cut or if i shaved because i looked different..and neither of those things took place..so maybe i'm glowing? haha..lol or maybe i'm just really changing physically and people are starting to notice but want to be naive and retarded about thinking its something other than my transition..i call it denial..haha..i'm getting use to it..moving in with bevan is right around the corner..i'm so excited but kind of nervous..at least at my moms i can be comfortable..over there i'll have to be a bit more reserved..which is fine..once i get my chest surgery that'll disappear..but i really think i need just that..living around another guy..being around all of his/my guy friends..i need to grow as the man i'm becoming..and i have a long way to go..but thats a perfect start..it'll open the door to manhood for me..or at least thats how i feel...its another day in the complicated yet simple life of me...jake the transguy...post soon..until then..later..

ps..new pic in the gallery..check it out!

hey everyone..another day another post..christmas is soo close..and we have around 8 inches of snow..so its looking like a white christmas..which is sweet because i haven't had one in years..i gave myself my injection yesterday by myself..nobody to monitor me doing it..i was very anxious..i got through it..i've noticed something huge...the way i'm treated now by the opposite sex..even in just a friendly way..women like to lock eyes with me often..the way they look at me is completely different now that i'm identifying as male.. its rather amusing..the way i've wanted to be treated my entire life is happening now..not later..but now..its an incredible feeling..i never knew what happiness was..i have fooled myself into thinking i was happy..but the way i feel now is a feeling never felt before..so it has been proven to me that i'm starting to become happy..i have mentioned in previous posts about an expirment i was wanting to do with my transition..if you remember it was crying.. wether men dont cry due to the actual hormones or if they dont cry due to stereotypes.. i remember i had lost the desire to cry a few weeks into starting T..when i was watching shows that i would have usually teared up on..i no longer did..well i'm going to say that it is the hormones that cause you to not cry...but its also the stereotype that feeds into it..proven to me on saturday..i was dealing with a resident passing away at my work..i felt like sitting down and crying my eyes out..but there were no tears..i couldn't figure out why..i just couldn't cry..everyone around me was crying..(mostly women) and i just couldn't..but then this morning i woke up early..and cried..in the dark while i was alone..just a quick cry..nothing huge like i had felt like doing or had done in the past..i was thinking intensely about it today..and it nearly humors me..this transition so far has become something way beyond anything i ever thought..i never realized it would physically alter everything..its amazing..i pay close attention to myself and the way i act compared to the way i feel..as in the past..its intresting..to see the world from a womans view for so many years...to now seeing the world from a mans view is nothing like i'll expierence before..i'm becoming such a compassionate man due to understanding everything...i have to keep in mind..women are from venus and men are from mars...post soon..until then...later.....