hey everyone..another day..the days have been passing so fast..i can't believe its nearly xmas already..this year flew by..but then again its been a very big year for me..the last week or so i've been passing constantly..sir this sir that..i love it..now the bombshell..i went out to supper with a friend and her family..which they all call me he..know i'm a guy etc...here comes the server..says my plate is hot then hands andi her plate and says this isn't as hot as "hers"...awkward..for me..nobody seemed to pay any attention to it..which is fine..but its fucking crippling inside to me to hear those words..ack..fucking blah..it sucks..totally made the entire supper for me suck...i ate fast wanted it to be over with..i have felt so good about myself..and the changes that have occured..but i'm still at the "in between" stage..i dont get stared at nearly as often but it still occurs..its okay..i stand alone sometimes and thats fine..one day soon..i'll be the man i know i am.. i'm already on the right path..its all about mending my broken path...as long as it takes i'll ride it through enjoying nearly every minute of it! well i'm going to bed i have to work in the morning and rossville just got beat 42-0 tonite to silver lake..so theres that season finished..blah..well post soon..until then..later...
ps...a new pic in the gallery!

hey everyone..another post..for another day..things are going okay here..wednesday was ten weeks on t..sorry its been a few days..as well all know i received my shot on sunday..no rollercoaster ride emotionally..yay..but on wednesday i was edgy..thats the only word i can use to describe it is edgy..i wasnt very polite to be around but i woke up on thursday and felt right back to myself except i had ten times more energy..and i looked in the mirror this morning and the hairs on my chin are longer..noticbly longer..woohoo..after i took a shower i was looking at my belly..yikes..massive amounts of black hair everywhere..i have a feeling i'm going to be a very hairy guy..but that's okay..its what i've wanted! other than that nothing else really new going on physically...just working through the motions of mentally..its a journey..but i'm loving every minute of it! i'll post again soon! until then..later...

hey everyone..good news! my voice has dropped again! i'm so excited..i love the beginning of the week because that always seems when my voice drops..it always tickles the back of my throat when the vocal chords vibrate..haha..this morning at work..me and two other co workers..plus the receptionist were standing waiting to clock in..( i always get there early) and i said good morning wanda and she said are you okay? i looked at kelli and then rosemary and said yea why? she said well your voice is awfully deep..kelli and rosemary both started smirking..wanda then said..maybe its just me.. apparently she didn't know i was transitioning..which cracks me up because everyone knows at this point..i informed her later in the day of my transition..she said oh okay you know i dont listen to whats said around here..maybe not but it still made me laugh..my mom says that i'm gonna sound like my dad because she hears it already.. i sure hope so..i like my dad..lol..other than that everything in my world is okay..i'll post soon..until then..later...

hey everyone..another post for another day..nothing has really been happening..i got my shot on sunday..this is my first cycle of having it done every 10 days..i hope it keeps me from the emotional rollercoaster ride because i hate that..i was gonna give myself the shot but pussy boy go splat..i couldn't do it...living with my parents isn't the best thing ever but its working..the last few days i have pretty much just laid on my bed listening to music and getting high...thinking..it has been at least 9 years since i've just thought and gotten lost in my mind..it was soo different to just be alone and able to do that and actually focus...i love music so much..it keeps me sain..listening to lyrics knowing that i'm not the only one out there all fucked up right now..anyways..i'm changing as a person and i didn't think that'd ever happen but i feel so go about myself..that im literally letting go of everything comfortable in my life for me..it seems so selfish in writing but feels so right in reality..its crazy..i'm going through my own things..i never thought this transition would be so complex but it is and i'm enjoying all the changes and am super stoked to see the future ones..i still haven't had my menses this month yet and we're nearing the middle of it..so fingers crossed thats all over..it'll feel so right not to have to deal with that anymore....its all in a days work...post soon..until then..later...

hey everyone..another post..for another day..i've been on a huge rollercoaster ride and its taking a toll on me..me and lucy are breaking up..my rock..my security blanket..is disappearing..because of my choice..it so weird to hear myself say that but want it so much..we've been through alot..but i need to love myself before i can love her and if that means in a year when i know i truly love and know myself..i can truly know and love her too..she doesn't understand it..she thinks i'm being terrible..and wanting a new life that doesn't have part of my past life..which is true but isn't at the same time..lucy can be in my new life..i want her to be..but i need to disappear for awhile and learn to live so that i can live for her..and if we dont ever get back together then she wasn't ever my soulmate..its extremely hard for me..but i'm getting through it the best way i know how..i'm moving out this weekend..and gonna move back in my parents house..i know its blah..but if i do that i can get my top surgery in april or may as a bday present to myself perhaps..after that my friend has a place she's looking to rent out next summer so there i go..my family is being super supportive of me and just want me to be happy..my mom is recovering from an alcohol addiction so not only am i'm going through a transition but so is she and we are supporting each other very much..all in the process of getting to know one another..my entire life is changing its taking a 360 and its hard to deal with sometimes but i'm a very strong person and only the strong survive..so i'll take life as it comes..post soon..until then..later...