hey everyone..had a few things i was thinking about and wanted to share..for as far back as i can remember i've wanted to be accepted as a man by men more than anything..just wanting to fit in..i knew i never did because things that men talk about when its just men is unknown...if there's a woman around they tend to tone down conversation..and it always seemed that way with me..i never felt like they talked like men when i was there..until today..i am now a member of the "secret men's club" thats what i like to call it..i had the day off from work..and a friend asked if i wanted to take a roadtrip with her to this small town leavenworth to visit some of her friends..why not..had the day off..tired of tv..lets go..so 2 hours later we arrive and she has informed me already that this is her family away from family..i meet melissa and her husband joe..it was thier house we were at..and instantly passed..i was soo fucking ecstatic..after a few hours of no slipping of the pronouns and having my penis referred to as a "kickstand"..accused of male bonding..and when the men were sent to the back room..i had to go..i really felt like me..it was an amazing feeling..a bit later after we ate chili the guys went outside to dig a hole and install a mailbox..so i went..there i was standing with 4 men as a man for the first time in my life..one of the guys asked me what kind of engine was in the truck i drove..i anwsered happily.."a 318" and we talked about good fishing spots..checked out a few women that drove by..and what would be the easiest way to put in a sidewalk..after that the guys including me went to the liquor store..showed me the prison and talked about storm chasing..i was there for about 9 hours but it seemed like a half hour..i didn't want it to end..i am in all my glory right now..i'm just gonna pass more and more..but for now i'm a member of the "secret mens club" and i couldn't feel any happier..my life is finally falling into place..kudos to that! post soon..until then..later...

hey everyone..today is nine weeks on t..yay to me! i was looking at my stomach earlier today and holy shit..i'm getting a happy trail and the hair is dark too! its creeping all the way up to my chest.. finally..everything is coming together..i've really been able to start loving myself and its the best feeling in the world..but anyways..i'm getting my lip pierced tonight so i better run! talk soon..until then..later..

ps..i've posted my nine week pic

hey everyone..tomorrow is going to be nine weeks! wow..i get my next shot on saturday or sunday..and i'm going to be giving it to myself.. i can't wait and am super excited for it! another huge change i've noticed is my heartburn..holy shit..i eat cheese and get heartburn..it doesn't go away and creeps up into my throat..blah! it sucks..i've been eating tums like candy..i'm thinking about getting some zantac or something to help..other than that things are going really well at work..my co workers that were being dicks are now changing thier pronouns and getting along with me really really well..i was even invited to one of thier parties this weekend which i'm looking very much forward to..its like a complete change around and it makes me feel great..anyways..i better run..need to shower..post soon..until then..later....

hey everyone..just thought i'd sit down for a moment while i have a chance..been super busy lately...my voice has dropped again which i'm stoked about..and when i look up and swallow you can see a small but there adam's apple forming..holy shit..and i have tons of hair coming in all over my face..it isn't quite dark yet..but its really coming and itchy fucking itchy at that..now i know why guys are constantly scratching their faces..because it fucking itches! my shoulders are definetley dropping way out as well..and my face is thinning out..i'm starting to look more and more like a guy..finally my haven that i've wanted my entire life..i'm feeling pretty good today..it'll be a good week..i'm really wanting to focus myself on lucy right now and figure out what we're doing..things will come together..she's my rock..i dont understand why im having such a hard time focusing on us when she's been the only one to truly support me..i'm figuring things out..i just want to expierence manhood..come and go as i please kind of thing..thinking just of me and with the wrong head..haha..i'm like a 13 year old virgin..i just want to have fun..but i need to step back and realize that what i have at home is great and perfect..i dont want to give it up for the world..its a rare gem i've found and i'm not gonna let it loose..anyways..ramble ramble ramble..i'll post soon..until then..later...

NE 24 (9-0) VS IND 20 (7-1) Sweeeeeetnesssssss!!!!!!!!

hey everyone..another blog..been kind of slowing down lately on the blogs..i apologize..i've had one hell of a week..i haven't slept..ate..or done much of anything..i've been feeling blah about some things..i'm a bit confused in my own world right now..i'm spending a few days away from home just trying to figure out exactly whats going on with me..i seen my therapist today..she thinks its a great idea to take some time away..she recommened anti depressants..which is extremely difficult for me to hear basically because i've always been the type of person to want to face reality as it comes take and deal with it..i've told myself i'd never ever take a drug to fix my problems in life..but i've been so depressed and have tons of anxiety up and down it might be a good idea..i'll wait awhile..my doc changed my shot cycle to every ten days instead of every two weeks..i'm gonna see if that maybe helps balance some things out..if not then i'll think about it..but just not right now..i dont want to hurt anyone including myself..but i just feel like i'm on the path of destruction...i'm afraid i'm going to destroy my entire life in the process of figuring out who i am..blah..anyways..its late i'm tired..i'm gonna try and get some sleep..i'll post soon..until then...later...