Hey everyone...another post..sorry its been so long..i've been working alot to catch up finacially from sugery..i've just been thinking alot lately..and i've noticed that my soul and who i am has carried over with me in my transition..but so many things about me have changed too...i'm a different person..im a man now..and the world views men differently...to go from being a white female to a white privileged male in our society is a huge change..from the way im tlaked to treated the way women look at me...women are very flirtatious and they wonder why we're horny all the time..lol..they give you looks out of the corner of thier eyes that say things that wont ever happen lol..my body matches my identity now..i'm accepting the life i lived for so many years..but its hard sometimes because i wish i could have lived my childhood in my gender..i took a friends daughter to the dentist and another little boy walked in and the dental asst said right this way mister..and it made me smile but at the same time frown because i missed out on all those little things that make you who you are..i'm a new male..i didn't grow up being male so i'm still learning how to fit in the world as male..my transition exists every day..yes i'll have the next 60 years as male but the first 24 years of my life i will miss every day of my life...i've been reborn into who i am..and now i begin my journey down a mended path..my body is no longer my enemy..i have forgiven it..i look in the mirror and i dont see the girl i was..i see the man i am now....its a feeling in its own..post soon..until then..later...

hey everyone..another day for another post..i was driving home last night from manhattan which is round 45 minutes away..and i started thinking about different aspects of my transition..i went to the country stampede which is a 4 day event of different country performers..not my first choice of music but there were a few i wanted to see and we got free tickets so why not..anyways..im starting to not think about my transition as often as i use to..it use to totally consume my thoughts and now i'm just starting to fall into my new life..but things take me off guard still..sometimes when i start to talk my deep voice throws me off..inside my head when i think to myself..my voice is pre t...but then i talk and its so very deep and people tell me all the time how deep it is and that they dont reconize my voice...its a great feeling but its funny to see my own reaction with myself..i get called sir all the time..there isn't any moment i dont pass anymore..not one..its perfect..but at the same time its all so new still..when people automatically check male on paperwork..or in conversation i'm he..but it can still throw me off guard..sometimes it makes me smile really big..other times its just natural..and then theres the moments when it throws me off guard..i rarely slip with myself anymore..i never call myself a she even if i'm telling stories from when i was a she..but yet i'm still finding myself adjusting to everything..just falling into the steps of a man is adjustment..the difference between genders are huge..and everything about both genders are very defined..example..at the stampede yesterday people were walking around giving 8 minute surverys..so i was stopped..it was a survery about toyota trucks..ok perfect..there was a section with several different words that defined the toyota tundra to you as a person..there were words like..strength..durable..stylish..personable..tough..ruggid..small..long lasting..colorful..well i automatically picked out the words like sternght..durable..tough..ruggied..and long lasting..i didn't even think about it..i just picked them..they stood out when it came to the definition of a truck..the gal surveying me said "those are manly words"..and it took me off guard..they were..and i picked them..because i'm a manly man..lol..because everything is adjusting in my brain...my brain has always been the same but it makes a huge difference when you're body matches what your brain is thinking..my thoughts seem to flow more easily as does my body actions..im getting there..it just takes time..just a curious thought i wanted to share with y'all..i'm gonna post another pic i'll be on t for 10 months july 6th..but i'm posting it today..post soon..until then..later...

hey everyone..another post for another day...monday will be 8 weeks..everything is fine except a stitch was popping through on my left side and me working it made the incision tear open so my friend pulled it back together and steri stripped it...blah..you know me i'm the worry wart so i though ti was dying..lol..but everything is going swell..this will be a short one because i have been super busy with work and stuff..trying to bounce back financially from surgery..phew who would have thought i'd be so broke! lol well new pic in the gallery...post soon..until then..later..

hey everyone..another post for another week..things are going pretty good on my end..i just gave myself like my 25th shot..which is good because i've felt really tired and depressed like all day today and yesterday..sometimes right before my shot i feel angry..frustrated..on edge..and sometimes i feel just uck..after i give myself my shot though i'm good to go..everything in my life right is kinda turned upside down..everything in my home life is falling apart and i feel okay about it..i know that sounds awful but a person can only take so much..work is going swell except today i was informed that employees are telling residents about my surgery..so now the residents are going around telling everyone "you know that girl use to be a lesbian and on her vacation she got her boob's cut off" grrrrr..it furiates me for the simple fact that i dont feel like theres any reason to bring the residents into it let alone be talking about me..when i got my annual evaluation i got marked for my transition being talked about..anyways..i need to go or i'm just gonna get angry..not a good day in the life and times of me..post soon..until then...later....

hey everyone..another post for another day..i went back to work last monday..the first day was pretty tough for me..i had to leave at half day..it was alot to get back into the pace of things and when i got home my right incision was bleeding just a bit..freaked me out i thought i was going to die! everyday thereafter at work went by pretty well..it was a bummer to be on a weight restriction it really made me feel helpless but its okay today was the last day for that..i went to my follow up appt with dr johnson yesterday he said i had a bit of discoloration in my nipples but over time it should come together..he said i had dog ears which is evident but that he'd have me come back in three months and if they haven't dropped he'd give me a free revision next year..it'd be a local anesthetic..hopefully they'll drop..i asked about the bleeding and he said that just because the stitches on the outside have disolved doesnt' mean the ones inside have so it was a stitch that popped through..and that i'd see alot of that over the next 6 weeks and if any sutures are visible to go ahead and take tweezers to them..he fully released me off of my wt restriction at work monday which is my 6 week mark..i have another appt for sept 11th..other than that..i shaved my face..it was really difficult for me to because i love seeing that facial hair..its been four days now and my face is super coarse..you can feel all the stubble and the hairs on my chin are black..so hopefully it wont be so peach fuzzy..just another day in the life and times of a transman! i'll post soon..until then..later...