hey everyone..just thought i'd drop a line..i have family all throughout the united states..and they are very supportive of me and my transition so i thought i'd post a video blog on youtube for them to check out so they dont miss my transition..so if y'all wanna view it it's www.youtube.com/patsdevotee so check it out if you like..i want to have images and stuff to look back on when it comes to an end..i was talking to lucy today and were discussing a topic of stereotypes..before i started t i always had the urge to cry when i watched movies or even tv shows..i guess you could say it was a soft spot..well now i've noticed i have no desire to cry when i watch tv or movies..but lucy thinks that the whole men dont think they can cry because they're men is a stereotype..so my response to that was so women being emotional is a stereotype? anyways we talked for awhile about this subject and came to an agreement..we're going or at least i'm going to pay close attention to how the mental changes affect my overall daily living..even if its as simple as crying and not crying..so far the mental changes have been huge and intense but i'm excited to see whats next..i have embraced the fact that i'm transsexual and that i get to expierence something not many people get to..back in the berdache tribes in the indian culture transsexuals were worshipped and considerded "two spirited" because they got to expierence the world from both views female and male and i'm in the process of that..and thats why i think the mental changes are huge..and i'm excited to see the world from both views..maybe it'll help me figure out life a little easier..well better run the pats game is on soon..post soon..until then...later...

hey everyone...i laid wide awake in bed last night completely lost in thought..see a few of the changes i've noticed after starting the testosterone is my energy is sky high..i have tons of energy way more than i did before...and when i lay down at night i can't fall asleep for awhile and i think its because i dont need as much sleep like i use to..okay those changes are great..but the conflict i'm having is i'm wondering if those two inparticular changes are from the hormones physically changing me or if the changes are from the hormones changing me psychologcially...i may not need as much sleep because i enjoy being awake now because i feel better about myself since starting the shots...and i have tons of energy because i'm thrilled with my changes and the soon to be ones so i'm more active in my life and happier in general which causes me to be invincible.. you see the conflict my mind is having? so are the rest of my changes going to affect me mentally to this extreme? i have questions now..and i was wondering when they'd strike..if you have any thoughts on this please do leave me a comment..help the struggling..lol..better run..post soon..until then later....

hey everyone...day 8..lol time can't go by any slower..i'm better though..i'm not sick anymore the flu is gone!!! i'm stoked! work today went by pretty fast..nothing out of the ordinary happened though..what a boring life i have! lucy wouldn't quit snoring last night so i didn't sleep very well but thats okay i'll just try to fall asleep before her tonight..my libido is soooo high it's crazy i walk and think of sex..i talk and think of sex..i think and i think of sex..i can't get it out of my head!! i get my second shot on wednesday so counting down for that..well i dont have much else going just wanted to let everyone know i feel better now! i'll post soon..until then later....

p.s. for those BB watchers..D & D TO THE END!!!!!!!!!!

hey everyone...i was thinking and thinking for awhile that i didn't want to post any pics of me on here and i wanted to be anoynomous but just my words wont show my transition will it! so i've decided that i'm going to post a pic of me on here that was taken about 10 minutes ago..and i will place another pic of me on here in a week and i'll do that weekly..not only so y'all can see my transition but so i can too..well better get that on there..post soon..until then..later

hey everyone...today is officially one week on T!!!! although i feel like crap and have the flu (went to the doc yesterday)i'm thrilled that its been one week already..next wednesday i'll get my second shot! i went to work today thinking i'd be okay but they took one look at me and told me to go home..i can't wait until i'm feeling up to par..last night after i showered i noticed how swollen i was down south so i grabbed a mirror and took a glimpse OMG!!! its huge..already so i can only imagine what it'll look like here in a few weeks..i heard of a ftm's support group in omaha it isn't too far from me but far enough to where i could only go every few months but i'd love to meet another ftm..just to talk to someone who knows exactly what i'm going through! i have noticed however that my muscles are more defined now then before..maybe its wishful thinking but we're getting there people..its a slow and tedious process..well i better run..post soon..until then....later...