hey everyone...oh my stars..i feel like crap..went to work this morning and my supervisor took one look at me and told me to go home..so here i am home and sick..i'm starting to think it isn't the hormones its just a bug going around...i believe an upper respiratory infection...had the nasty headache all day yesterday went to bed early and rose with the same headache today but now i'm stuffed up and puky..i feel like my entire body is going to explode..i'm thinking i'm gonna call my doc today and see if theres anything she can give me for this nastiness i'm feeling..what a bummer right..begin hormones then get sick so i can't enjoy it..thats my luck though..so today i have in plan sleep and tv and then some more sleep..a friend is gonna bring by some 7 up for me to sip on..everyone recommended excedrin migraine yesterday took some and it didn't touch me so today they are recommending excedrin tension headache..so i reckon i'll try that today...i'm a baby when i'm sick and lucy is in class all day so alone i sit and sulk..on top of being sick i drove past the kids waiting for the school bus this morn and i heard em yell "is that a boy or a girl" okay i know thier kids but i felt like saying are you a third grader or a high schooler..but i refrained myself from doing so..would have gotten my no where but i despise those words and can't wait until the day i dont have to hear them anymore..when i was a photographer customers would make money bets on my gender amongst themselves then ask me and make a big scene in the studio because they won or lost..aggravating..i guess people dont realize that everyone has feelings..but soon that wont happen anymore i'll just be one of everyone else..and that day couldn't look any brighter..okay post soon..until then later........

hey everyone...i left work today an hour early..my head is killing me feels like a migraine...it has given me extreme nausea...i know i got plenty of sleep last night so thats not it..it could be a number of things...the fact that i'm changing the entire chemistry of my body with the testosterone..or maybe i was wearing my binder too tight..or it could be that fact that i'm hungrier and require more food than usual and i only took a little bit to work with me today...i dont know what it is..all i know i took 4 ibprofuens at 1 pm and its now 3 pm and i can barely open my eyes..what a fucking bummer...i hate headaches...they get on my nerves because they interfere..well i'm gonna go eat some noodles and then lay down in the dark hoping that my head heals..well talk soon...until then later.......

hey everyone..just thought i'd drop off a line or three..the baseball game yesterday was fun..the royals lost surprise..but i was disappointed that derek jeter for the yankees didn't get to play..the entire reason i wanted to watch the game..oh well..like i said i was waiting for my libido to rise!!!! well its here! i dont think i have ever had the sensation for an orgasm so strong before...sex last night with lucy was INTENSE!! i came three times one after another..very unusual for me since it always seemed to take forever just to cum once..that was late last night..i woke up today and needed to JO..and that came quick too..wow..i can tell that my bits and pieces down there are swollen today..big notice..and very sensitive..i walk and get a feeling shooting through my body a need for sex..my face was extremely oily today..and lucy says my pores are huge..just means i need to focus washing my face so i dont get acne really bad because i know thats coming too...well anyways..i'll write more later until then....later

hey everyone...i told myself i'd post every week when i started this and i think so far its been everyday..well anyways..last night was the first time i've been to the local transgender support group.. about 8 people showed up..there was a transvestite and a crossdresser but the rest of them were MTF (male to female) which is fine but i've never met another FTM (female to male) like myself..they say that every time a FTM joins they get tired of being the only one and disappear before another one comes along..but its okay to be the only one it was just nice to be in a room full of people and not be stared at or feel akward..it just felt right...lucy said she felt like everyone was staring at her..i think she was just nervous..they focused most of the discussion on FTM's so basically me and i thought that was very nice of them..they gave me tips on how to go about getting my gender changed on my license and ss card so forth..they have two meetings a month and i think i'm gonna make myself visible thier..maybe when the other FTM's find out i'm there through communication of everyone they'll come out and play..i sure hope so! well i need to get ready for the baseball game! talk to you soon..until then...later

hey everyone...just finished lifting weights and thought i'd cool off a bit before i hopped in the shower..i'm going on three days with the testosterone...so far i haven't noticed any other changes..but i know they're gonna come slowly...i'm just impatient..i thought i'd give shaving my face a try..i know there is'nt any hair there yet but why not try..lucy thinks it'll help stimulate hair growth..we'll see..i emailed my grandparents in arizona about my changes i've noticed so far..they emailed me back.. they say they can't wait to see thier handsome grandson..when i see things like that it just feels right..and it thrills me to have such great support..tomorrow we're going to the baseball game and then out to supper on the plaza..i'm looking forward to it..easier to pass in a place we dont live..its an hour away..today we went grocery shopping and i was called sir by the cashier..lucy says she loves it when i pass because people are always so skeptical of us or threatend..people always seem taken aback...so when i pass life is easier..well i better go shower now..i'll post soon..until then...later