hey everyone...i could barely sleep last night...i laid awake trying to fall asleep but couldn't because i was so excited to get up the next morning...the huge thunderstorm last night didn't help..tornado sirens went off and we were out of power from 1 am to about 330 am...i love thunderstorms...but i finally was able to fall asleep around 4 am but was up at 630 to get ready for work..i noticed instantly when i went to the bathroom today that my urine had a very strong potent smell..must be the hormones..and today at work i was extremley hot..oh my stars..i was sweating like crazy and constantly overheated just sitting there even!!! they say your libido will increase over the first week..so i'm waiting to expierence that...although these changes happen so slowly and over time its still exciting waking up just to see if anything is new about my body..its going to be intresting to see how well i can perform in an adult world going through puberty...lol..i've got great support from a few of my peers at work..but theres a few that are just so hateful..it hurts my heart to know theres that much hate in the world..everyone says its the fact that they dont understand..but one of my coworkers use to call me her BFF and now she ignores me..everyone knows i have an open door policy so i think thats an excuse for the ignornant...its okay though i knew going into this it wasn't going ot be easy! i'll survive...i've survived just existing and now i get to live..thats what matters..well better run..talk to you soon..until then....later

I could barely sleep last night knowing that today was t day...i just kept waking up sparatically until i rose at 4 am..and today is also nfl kickoff day so we got to dress up in our team's apparel for work today...i was soo excited thinking that the day was gonna fly by but as soon as i got to work my boss pulled me into her office and told me that another staff member told her that i was telling the patients in specfic detail about my "future penis" wtf...no way i haven't ever said anything to the patients about my transition at all..i fear what they'll think when it starts being obvious let alone tell them now..so i instantly knew that someone was hating against me and making up lies...she said she wouldn't write me up this time but maybe next time..so it caused for my fantastic day to go terribly bad at first...me and another co worker who is very supportive sat down and investigated as to who it was and we came to a conclusion which i know is right but teh sad thing he's a member of my dept...and the hate saddens me...but i eventually was able to let it go bc of super support from my other co workers...so then it was counting down time..5 pm couldn't have come quicker...but eventually lucy got home and we headed out to the doctors office..what a very long drive...not really..just at that moment..so we get there and i find out my testosterone levels are extremley high for a female...so yay to me..wondered where the hair on my toes came from..lol..and to the back we went...she pulled out that needle and it was like 4 inches long and huge..i could see inside the head..she told me to turn around and bend over..my pleasure..and she stuck me on the count of three..surprisngly enough it didn't hurt but i have several tattoos and am use to needle pain..she slapped a usa flag band aid on me...while lucy stated "how uneventful" lol it may have been to her but to me..my world began at that instant..i dont think i have ever smiled a smile so big and real in all my life..i know the changes are going to come slowly..one at a time..but for now i couldn't feel more alive..i go back in two weeks on the 19th..so we'll see what occurs in the next couple of weeks! i'll keep y'all updated on what happens next! so until then....later

hey everyone!!! today couldn't have gone any better..today around noon my doc called me and told me my hormones came in and were in her hands...okay so weird hearing MY hormones was being held but ok i'll get past it! she said now we just wait for the labs to get in..ok so i'm thinking she'll get em tomorrow sometime and i'll get my first shot on friday!!! nope she called me back a few hours later saying that my labs came in and i can go ahead and come in tomorrow after work so around 5 pm for my first shot!!! ladies and gentlemen without much adou tomorrow is t day! i've been waiting forever for this..well to top it all off they handed out royals vs yankees baseball tickets for the game this sunday and guess who now proudly holds them in their hands..me..i do they're mine and we'll be sitting in the dugout or at least right by it..so therefore today has been an overall good day! just another day in paradise! talk to you soon..until then......later

today i went and got my labs done...what a scary feeling sitting there while the nurse tries to have smallchat with you all in the while sucking blood from your very veins...it was quick..only lasted about 10 minutes...the nurse said it'd be a few days before the results came back...well its gonna be a few days yet before my hormones are delievered anyways..so now i sit and wait...only a few days away will be the beginning of my journey down a broken path..i can't even explain how exicted i am! i am now heading to a dentist appt..so until then later...

hey everyone...i'll try to keep this one shorter than the last...i explained to y'all how i feel...you may not understand and that's cool but i needed a place to vent my thoughts and this works...so as well all know i've decided to transition...i'm beginning my path to a very scary world...its fearing the unknown...having to idea whats about to occur but wanting to know so bad i'm willing to wait and find out..its been a road of topsy turvy this that and the other...theres these guidelines the harry benjamin standards and guidelines for transgender..bascially loop holes i have to jump through before i can be me...i have to be in therapy for 6 months before i can receive my letter of recommendation for HRT (hormone regimine therapy) and then i have to have RLT (real life test) which means i have to live in the life of the gender i'm changing to for one year before i can get any SRS (sex reassignment surgery) and be in therapy for up to a year for the srs as well..its a bummer but i'm just glad they even have guidelines for me to go by...i've been in therapy since april...yea i know not very long...but long enough to have gotten my letter...which i did..back in july...but i've had to wait for my health insurance to kick in sept 1 before i could go on with HRT...now insurance doesn't cover it but it does cover my labs and physical exam which would cost me out of pocket hundreds of dollars...well obviously its past sept 1..i get my labs done on tuesday morning thanks to the holiday..i ordered my hormones from a pharmacy in oregon..they're farily cheap they said the package should be here thurs or fri...i'm waiting in anticipation for T day.. its like breaking free of a personal prison that has kept me in solitary confinement for 23 years...it can't get here quick enough..the hormones are going to help me feel more comfortable in my body and give me a better sense of self..and i can't wait..well time for me to head to work..i'll post more later on what my family thinks of it all! until then later