hey everyone..another post...ive been thinking alot lately and i've decided that i have to tell myself i'm genderless right now..when i'm around two people and one refers to me as a she and the other a he it makes me feel ambigous as it is..so if i just allow myself to believe i'm genderless its easier to deal with..things feel so surreal still to this day..i'm changing so much and i find myself staring in the mirror at my naked body admiring the man looking back and all the changes that have occurred so far..my mom says i'm sounding and looking more and more like my dad..which makes me swell inside..i woudln't want anything more than to be just like my father..he's a great guy..the last 5 months or so i've been in my first heterosexual straight relationship...its different..i'm trying to make things habit but i'm learning new things every day..there are so many things expected from a man in a relationship that aren't necassirily expected from a butch female..and i've noticed how women treat men differently than another woman..i love it though..it makes me feel at home..it has allowed me to open up and become myself..i feel comfortable...for the first time in my life i'm starting to geninuely feel comfortable..lots of things running through my mind lately..but it's finally falling into place and transitioning is seeming to get easier..anyways..i'll post at week 28...post soon..until then...later...

hey everyone..another post for another week..gonna be short though i have to run to the clinic to get my t prescription filled...fun fun..anyways..not very many changes have occurred..however i did shave my face..wow..the hair on my face was an incredible amount! it was fucking awesome! anyways..i really gotta make this short..i'll post soon..until then...later.... new pic in the gallery

okay this puter is being a grump..isn't letting me add anything to the blog i already posted..so i had forgot to mention that i got my t levels checked the other day..and they are at 1400 which the normal for an adult male is 2500 so i'm right where a 16 year old boy is at in puberty..exactly where i need to be! i was really excited to hear that..i had been wondering if i was getting the full effect of t..its a good thing..i'm a manly man ya know! anyways..post soon....later...

hey everyone another post for another week...ive really been slacking on posting..but i've been busy moving and getting settled in..i posted another pic..i'm right past 6 months..bad news though..work made me cut the hawk so i now have no mohawk..its okay though it was fun while i had it..surgery is two months away..i'm counting down..cant wait..im pretty sure that i'm starting to get back hair because my binder makes my back itch so fucking bad..worse than ever..thats all i can gather..and i need to go down a size on my binder anyways..i started with a 3x been wearing a 2x but its too big the shoulder straps dont stay down and it bunches really bad in front..i need it to be flat..so i'll be ordering a xl next week..i'm slimming down like crazy..i dont think i'm loosing weight i just think all my fats moving around because my clothes are way too big..and my legs are smaller..everythings just getting thinner..i'm pretty sure my metabolism is higher than usual because i get an appetite like fucking mad..but the food doesnt' seem to stick to me like it use to..i haven't been called a ma'am in quite sometime either...passing constantly..but i think i need to make the fact that i'm a guy habit..that sounds insane i know..but example..me and my girlfriend were doing the walk through with the landlord at the new house earlier this week..and theres two closets in the master bedroom and the landlord said theres two closets there "hers and hers" i instantly said you mean his and hers..she said oh well i just assume all women have tons of clothes...red..lol..she wasn't even referring to gender..just clothes..so i need to learn to breakaway from the habit of feeling or being in the middle..and realize that i'm coming out of that and i pass all the time or at least enough to feel good about myself..maybe living as a female for so many years has altered the fact that i feel like a man..i still have to get use to being called he and sir..even when i'm telling a story about myself..i catch myself nearly saying she or her..habits are fucking hard to break..but i'm getting there..as is everyone else..i think the more and more masculine i become the easier and easier it will be to fall into the steps of the man i'm becoming..its life changing..literally..but its something iv'e watned and i've never been happier or felt more comfortable in my own skin than i do now..but i better get going..i'll post here later this week..until then..later...

hey everyone..another post for another week..i've posted a new pic in the gallery..check it out..not alot physically has happened in the last week..but the acne is really starting to take effect..getting it on my shoulders and face like crazy..i was handed a picture that my dept took at the xmas party on dec 8 last year..i started to chuckle to myself..because i can see the difference in myself in just 3 months since i took that picture..it was a great boost to the ego..but then just a short period later..a new housekeeper came up to me and said..i need to ask you a question..what exactly are you? sometimes i think you're a girl but then other times i think theres no way thats a girl..people have said that you were a guy..they've also said you were a girl or a girl turning into a man..so please tell me what are you? all i could do was look at her..i couldn't believe this person was standing in front of me really saying this..it took me for a tail spin mentally.. here i feel like i'm passing all the time..i feel more like a man than i ever have..but she can't figure me out..grrr..i'm still in that in between stage..makes me feel like i'll be there until my transition is done..but fuck..i'm tired of it..i just want to be seen as the man that i am..sometimes i try to tell myself its just the ignorant people in kansas..but i wont know that until i move..anyways..my surgery is coming up..been working alot lately..so hopefully i'll be where i need to be..i'm stoked..maybe that'll help in my passing..having no chest...i've noticed thats the first place people look after they look at my face..but i bind..and it doesn't make me completley flat...but flat enough to pass i reckon..i'm only at 6 months..i still have so much time before i'm done..so hopefully learning to love myself will come easier with time..its all i can hope for..post next week..until then...later....

ps..tomorrow night is the three days grace,breaking benjamin,and seether concert! i can't wait!