hey everyone..long time no post..i've been pretty busy lately...thats usually how summers go though...also..i've been dealing with some major mental and emotional issues..i've been all over the place with every emotion the last few weeks and its mentally making me feel insane..i've had migraines to go with it all..i i'm changing my dose in a sense..i take 200 mg every 10 days but i'm going to change it to 100mg every 7 days..the doc and other trans guys say that all those problems come wtih my hormone levels trying to level themselves out adn if i spread my dose like that above than it will help level things out..i think its a really good idea..i'm gong to try it and if it doesn't help i can always go back..i'm in control of it..i'll keep y'all updated..then..i wanted to share something that happened over this last weekend...when i came out as trans over a year ago at work..one co worker told me that her daughter had married a transman..that they live in missouri..well she told me friday they were coming into town on saturday...and that they were coming up to my job so they could see another co workers twin grandsons..so i was thrilled..i asked if she'd make sure he came..i didn't get to excited because they were suppose to come at one point in time and ended up getting sidetracked so they never made it...but..they showed up to my work around 2 pm..i was nervous..i'd never met another transguy before in person..just online..as soon as he came aroudn the corner i knew it was him..i shook hands he said he had heard alot about me..i said likewise but i had to get back to work..i exchanged numbers with his wife and later that eve i got in touch...and we met up at a local gay bar...so here's my predictment...not only am i going to meet another transguy but i'm going to the one bar i spent most of my lesbian living life at..a place where everyone knows me and i haven't been since i started my transition because to me..i wouldn't have been seen as the person i was becoming..so i eliminated myself..but thats where they wanted to go..and i really wanted to meet him..so two challenges..i was nervous..when i got there i sat down at thier table and ordered a drink..i only ran into a few people that knew who i was..one of them didnt' even reconize me..and i passed at the bar adn with everyone else the entire time..that was such a huge step for me..that made me feel so at place with myself...after i drank a bit he sat down next to me and my girlfriend started talking with his wife and i started tlaking with him...he has been on T for 3 years but hasnt had any surgeries yet..he's 37 years old..and a really cool guy..we'll call him beaux..we talked for a few hours about our transitions and life in general..to hear his stories and to share mine was an incredible feeling..for the first time in my life i didnt' feel..alone..weird..akward or out of place...he says he lives 3 hours from here in a community that has 15 ftm's and that i could come stay a weekend with him and meet the community..he also takes part in a lot of drag king shows so he's knows all sorts of gender benders..it was so awesome talking to someone who knew exactly what i'd gone through adn what i was gong to go through adn vice versa..the journey of a transition is done all alone..its definetley a self involved journey..it has to be.. but sometimes it can get so mentally adn emotionally overwhelming and i personally can only handle so much of that..and therapy is a great assest..i couldn't have done it this far without..but its nothing compared to sitting down with someone who knows your journey as you do thiers...my girlfriend said to me "i really learned alot tonight" when we left..and that made me feel good..i think she realized she's just as one in a million as we are..nto everybody would take a part in giving thier heart to you and truly getting to know who you are..but she has..all in all the night was amazing..it fulfilled so many empty spots inside of me..when i told him he was the first ftm i've met..he said.."then we have an automatic bond man, i remember what that feels like"..the entire expierence made everypart of me swell inside..and i wouldn't give it back for a second...post soon..until then...later